NavigatingLifeWithLMS

This post may contain affiliate links/ads. Click here for more information.

I had few WTF moments that were very closely related. The huge WTF moment came at the end of a rollercoaster doctor appointment, and with more WTF’s than I care to have in one day.

Before the rollercoaster

The story begins with the morning I decided to pee on a stick to prove to my partner he was wrong. Well, all I accomplished was standing in from of the peed on a stick while in shock for about ten minutes. The stick read PREGNANT… insert the first WTF.

This is not the road we had planned on taking at this point, but it was the one we were meant to be on. I was sure the stick was somehow wrong. I didn’t feel pregnant. I had no symptoms. How could this be? I was in complete denial until the second stick I peed on also read PREGNANT…insert the second WTF.

Of course, I had no idea when the first day of my last period was, which is the first question the doctor’s office always asks. I wasn’t expecting a pop quiz so I didn’t bother to study for the test. My best guess put me at about four weeks pregnant.

Right around week six, I had some very mild spotting…insert the third WTF. After calling the on-call doctor, she decided it would be better to see me sooner rather than later, given my history of miscarriage. The rollercoaster doctor appointment was then scheduled for about a week later with the on-call doctor.

The ride

There I was, seven weeks pregnant, checked in for my rollercoaster doctor appointment. The medical assistant seemed to have her own special not-so-helpful way of doing things, but this wasn’t my doctor. I figured maybe they had their own system. That was until the doctor apologized and mentioned they were going through a transition phase and her medical assistant was leaving. By the end of our fairly pleasant conversation, I gathered the medical assistant might not know she wouldn’t be working there anymore…insert the fourth WTF.

After taking down my history, and trying her hardest to be professional, we got on with the ultrasound. After finding the little person growing inside me, she said she couldn’t find a heartbeat…insert fifth WTF.

The doctor quickly told me the ultrasound machine was new, and she wanted to have someone else confirm her findings. She did her best to seem very calm. I just happen to be extremely good at reading other people’s emotions. I knew she was trying to keep it together.

As my daughter, Kailanie, was with her dad and little brother receiving her monthly chemo, I sat half naked and alone in an unfamiliar doctor’s office exam room. I desperately tried to come to terms with another miscarriage. How was I going to break the news to my kids that were so excited for a new baby?

I sat for what felt like an eternity, although it was maybe a half hour. I texted my partner and told him the news so far. He was devastated and felt horrible that I was there alone.

How could this be happening? I went in with my biggest fear of being told I was having twins. Before I knew it, I was terrified of losing another baby. I decided the only thing to do was ground myself and meditate while I waited.

A while later the doctor reappeared with a different ultrasound machine. This machine she had used many times before. I was reassured we were going to find answers.

Since my bladder was so full, it was blocking the view of just about everything. She decided I should empty it and we could start over. Before we did that she wanted to take one last look from the top of my belly.

Within a few seconds, she found the baby and a heartbeat! We were both excited. She moved the monitor to show me, and had to quickly find the baby again. After a look at the tiny heartbeat, she seemed very eager to have me empty my bladder.

Before starting the ultrasound again, I asked if I could text my partner and give him the great news. The doctor seemed hesitant and wanted to wait until we had “all the facts.” I thought we already discovered the most important part, the heartbeat. Boy was I wrong…insert the sixth WTF

The ultrasound began again. I started telling the doctor how I was relieved the baby had a heartbeat, especially since it was my youngest child’s third birthday that day. I soon realized the look of concentration on her face. She wasn’t concerned, just interested as she asked if I could see the monitor.

After readjusting the monitor she pointed out something and told me it was a yolk sac, then pointed out something else and told me that it was a baby. To my extreme surprise, she started to repeat it all a second time, and my brain instantly trailed off. I asked, half stuttering “so, there are three babies in there?” She replied with “no, only…”

I swear it sounded like she said two! This was a huge (seventh) WTF moment. I know how these things happen, obviously. I am the one going from 3 kids to 5. Yep, you read that correctly, I said 5. For those of you still not getting it, I found out I’m pregnant with twins.

In the end

WTF!? I set out on this journey in disbelief I was having even one more baby. Then I get the impression I’m probably going to lose that one baby. I end up walking out of that rollercoaster doctor appointment with two extra heartbeats, two yolk sac’s, two babies, a crap ton of anxiety/worry, some relief, more unknowns, and so much more love in my heart.